This evening will explore the “the liking gap” – how strangers would like us more than we think if we tried to connect. Make the most of your Connect IRL experience by coming before or staying after the featured event. Grab a drink or snack at the bar. This evening's workshop will be announced shortly so stay tuned for that. Try out one of the engagement activities available, including this event's Conversation Station: The Bus Stop Challenge, where you can take a moment or two to connect with a stranger in the most ordinary of small-talk settings.
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Join us in the Toronto Reference Library's Appel Salon for Saying Hello to Reconnecting, with psychologists and authors Nicholas Epley and Gillian Sandstrom in conversation with Paul Bloom. Q&A and book signing to follow. Books available for purchase.
Why do we walk past dozens of strangers a day, headphones in, eyes down, when a two-minute conversation could brighten both of our afternoons? At this event we'll find out what's actually stopping us and then test it. You'll learn what the research says about how strangers respond to being approached, why our predictions are so consistently wrong, and how to start the kind of small, low-stakes conversation that adds up to a bigger life. Then you'll get a chance to have one.
Why do so many of us underestimate the power of a simple "hello"? What is the "liking gap," and how does it keep us from connecting with people who would genuinely enjoy meeting us? And in an age of texting, remote work and screen-mediated relationships, what do we lose when we avoid the small, unscripted moments that once wove strangers into our daily lives?
Nicholas Epley, a University of Chicago psychologist, has spent his career studying this gap. In A Little More Social: How Small Choices Create Unexpected Happiness, Health, and Connection, he argues that connection is a choice we make based on expectations of how others will respond — expectations that skew far too pessimistic. Gillian Sandstrom, Professor in the Psychology of Kindness at the University of Sussex, takes it further in Once Upon a Stranger: The Science of How "Small" Talk Can Add Up to a Big Life, tracing her own path from self-described introvert to leading researcher on talking to strangers.
Come ready to say hello.
About this event’s guests:
Dr. Gillian Sandstrom
Dr. Nicholas Epley
Dr. Paul Bloom
Read More:
Once Upon A Stranger
A Little More Social
The Sweet Spot
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Connection Workshop (to be announced soon) | 5:30 - 6:30 pm (TBC)
The Bus Stop Challenge | 5:30 – 6:30 pm & 8:00 – 9:00 pm
Set up like a familiar TTC platform or bus shelter, this station drops you into the most ordinary of small-talk settings. Draw a prompt card with a simple mission (ask a stranger's opinion, compliment something, trade a recommendation) and see how fast a short, unscripted exchange can turn a stranger into a familiar face. It's the “liking gap”, live and in action.
Connect IRL is not your average series of events, workshops and activities, but a real chance to connect with other Torontonians in meaningful and sometimes unexpected ways. Through conversation stations meant to spark one-on-one conversations, or hands-on engagement activities and workshops before the featured event, participants can explore the value of connection and community.
PLAN YOUR VISIT:
Location: Bram and Bluma Appel Salon, Toronto Reference Library (789 Yonge Street), 2nd floor
Time: Doors open 5:30pm, Onstage event starts 7:00pm.
Tickets: Free registration required.
Ticket policy: We oversell these events to ensure that the greatest number of people have an opportunity to attend. Tickets guaranteed until 6:45pm or until capacity is reached. Seating first come, first served.
Bar: Beer/wine available for purchase (debit/credit only).
Accessibility: TPL is committed to accessibility. If you are Deaf or have a disability and would like to request accommodation for this event, please contact accessibleservices@tpl.ca or 416-393-7099 at least three weeks prior to the event.
Information Collection Notice: The personal information on this form is collected by the Toronto Public Library under the Public Libraries Act, sections 20(a), 20(c), and 20(d). The information will only be used for event and program registration, delivery and evaluation. Registrants may be contacted to fill out a brief survey following the program. Questions about how the library handles your information can be directed to Answerline staff at answerline@tpl.ca, 416-397-5981, 789 Yonge Street, Toronto ON M4W 2G8.
Click here to book tickets on Eventbrite (tpl-social-small-talk.eventbrite.ca) For: Adults (18+). Programme type: Author Talks & Lectures. Series: On Civil Society. Location in branch: Bram and Bluma Appel Salon, Toronto Reference Library (789 Yonge Street), 2nd floor. Registration is required. Contact: Answerline, 416-397-5981, answerline@tpl.ca.
Tuesday, October 13
7:00 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.
Accessibility: TPL is committed to accessibility.
Toronto Reference Library · 789 Yonge Street
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